Start: 

Begins with a black screen, no characters visible. Diagetic noises of a teacher repeatably calling a student’s name. An instant blink happens and focuses on a shot of the first character present. The character then gasps and the shot changes to a POV shot, the surroundings are blurred. Scene then instantly cuts. 

 

Middle: 

Scene then reopens with girl character looking at herself in the mirror, shown by an over the shoulder shot. She is uneasy and looking vacant and anxious. A drug is taken. A loop of scenes that increase with speed, including links with home life, Mum. Ending with the girl looking in the mirror back at herself. Body language decreases and becomes tired and restless. 

 

End:

Follow downstairs using a variety of shots. POV shot, walking into room. 

Two Alternative Endings: 

Walks into Living Room and its empty. Picture of someone on the side. Focuses on the picture…CUT

Walks into Living Room and see top of mother’s head. Walks back out, prepares food/drink in kitchen as well as putting medication out to take to mother. Walks into living room…CUT

 

Criticism:

The scenes do not show a effect of the drugs that the girl has taken.

The first introduction of the scene is vague.

There are not many locations, only 2 predominant locations- school and home.

There needs to be more information into the story line because the story line is basic and isn't in dept so doesn't give a complete idea  and creates a lack of understanding. 

There is no indication of dialogue

This also only covers the two minute opening and the synopsis needs to cover the whole narrative. 

Your next draft should be written in prose like a story and should talk about shots etc.